Helping Children Through The Moving Process

In September of 2011, we got rid of our moving boxes.  We have moved enough over the years.  Life as a pastor has moved us from Florida to Canada, from Canada to Kansas, from Kansas to Tennessee and from Tennessee to Missouri.

Frankly we were all tired of it, so the boxes went away.  Then God interrupts with some direction that we were not expecting to a place we never would have imagined- back to Florida, to Teen Missions International where our life in ministry began back in 1986.  There's too many stories in there to recount right here, so let me just hit on where that leaves us today.

Moving with seven children at home and a full house with a basement is going to be a bit of a challenge.  Most importantly, though, is the challenge of keeping all of our children intact while moving.

It's hard enough to get emotionally ready for a change of this magnitude-again; but it can be even harder for our children to process all of this.

How do we help our children through this kind of change?

I have always been of the philosophy that we should approach things with our kids openly and honestly.  Sometimes that's harder than others, but moving is pretty straight forward.  Here are some guidelines that we will use to help them manage the days ahead, as well as other situations in life:

*Tell them the truth in ways that they can handle.
*Acknowledge issues that they express trouble handling.
*Counsel them on the truths of life that may be disappointing but still must happen.
*Show them in every way possible that we will be by their side to handle the 
       adjustments.
*Pray that God will help them see the opportunities ahead.

Life is not always easy, but we don't have to go it alone.  Being able to deal with the truth of situations will certainly make us stronger for more of life's hardships.  Helping our children honestly and with compassion will see them through the difficulties and prepare them for life ahead.

Wii Have Finally Done It!

Unbelievable. Inconceivable. Could it be? Yes, the Ayers family has broken the "family entertainment" barrier. What happened?

Wii have entered the digital world of game systems that allows you to become a pro bowler, golfer, baseball player, tennis star or whatever else a $20-$100 game will buy.

What Wii have also discovered is that these game systems make great teaching tools for children (well, for me too). Wii have discussed patience, taking turns, sharing, taking care of expensive things and wasting time in life.

Wii have had some great fun together and wii are learning some valuable lessons.

If you can guess from the hidden clues in this post which game system wii bought, I will send you a free mp3 audio that talks about three really important ingredients to your family life.

Email your answer to me, and I will get that audio to you.

"Daddy, why do you kiss mommy in front of us kids?"

Ok, so I like to kiss my wife. That's normal, isn't it? Well, it is for me. When should I be aloud to kiss her- when no one is around, especially the kids?

You have probably heard older people talk of the older days when men and women did not express outward displays of affection in public. It just wasn't right. While I'll agree that some things that I have seen people do in public was not appropriate, I believe that there is a link to good parenting that we capitalize on here.

Kids pick up on almost everything, don't they? Maybe not the things that we try hard to teach them, but in everyday interactions they seem to find meaning in what they see. Only a few months ago, the same daughter that asked why we kiss in front of the kids, asked if we were getting a divorce. That was never said in the conversation between me and my wife, but she sensed the tension in our conversation.

Anyway, why do I kiss my wife in front of my children?

I want them to know that I love her. I tell her that I love her in front of them too. I tell them that I love them too. I kiss them too. It's kind of like helping them to associate actions that go with love. If there is disrespect, I quickly point out that that is not what we do if we love someone. If I act disrespectful toward them, the I show them the way of sorrow for wrongs done and seeking forgiveness.

I also want both the boys and they girls to see healthy ways to act for the days in which they will find a spouse. Relationships are not all business. They are playful, fun, work and planning. They need to see and understand all these things, so they have a map to follow in their future.

A few times, a couple of our children have said, "You love mommy don't you?" That is something they observed. That is something they learned. That is why I kiss my wife in front of the children. Well..........sometimes it's I just can't wait for later when we are alone!

A Family Response To Crisis

The economic crisis deepens. How are you affected? A better question is how are you responding?

In the last few months there have been stories of extremes in the U.S.

One family found shot to death before which the father had faxed a TV station saying, "...my wife felt it better to end our lives; and why leave our children in someone else's hands ... we have no job and 5 children under 8 years with no place to go. So here we are." -CNN's Stan Wilson, Ashley Broughton and Paul Vercammen contributed to this report; Wed January 28, 2009


How sad can it get? How hopeless?

Does it have to be like that? On the other hand, I saw a report of a family with five children, and a mom who lost her job. Their response was to take in their friends and neighbors who were struggling financially. They had received similar help when they were in need different times, and now they want to give back.

I am not going to pretend to have the answers to every situation. I am broken over the thought that parents would feel so desperate as to take their own lives as well as the lives of their children. Let's learn to find purpose and hope in times that get desperate. Let's not give up. Every struggle is an opportunity to prove the faithfulness of God. Every action and reaction is a lesson for our children to experience with us.

Thoughtfully,
Bryan

Toddlers and Tantrums

A regular day of parenting can be filled with joy, peace, satisfaction, and fulfillment; or screaming, tantrums, yelling, and fight for control, or all the above. Wow, your poor kids have to put up with a lot! No, we know it’s always the children who get out of control, right?

Boy #1 comes up from the basement with the coolest wooden toy gun in our house. Not long after boy #2 strolls from the bedroom after a really good nap. Boy #2 sees toy gun and must think, “I deserve that toy gun.” The fight is on…

I have learned a new trick. You’d think I had all the tricks after seven children. I have really been trying to have more patience, and not much else can try my patience like a wide open mouthed tantrum. So our youngest, even when handled with the best of patience, gets bent out of shape over not getting his way. It seems to be an everyday, every hour event.

Since his two-year old mind cannot listen to reason, especially in a tantrum, we began to take him to his room with gentle instruction not to come out until he has stopped crying. It actually worked. Within minutes he comes strolling out of his room. His eyes are still red and puffy and his little nose running some, but he is not crying. He went in the room and changed his attitude. How can it get any better? It does!

A few days later something happens to try his patience, and he erupts, only this time he blows us all away. Remarkably, this little guy goes to his room on his own. Did you read that right. He went to his room on his own because he was in a tantrum. He returned in a few minutes after he stopped crying and stared where he had left off in the activity. My oldest son shouts, “I love this kid!”

I have read in many books about helping our kids learn to control themselves and respond to situations by showing them the correct responses. Now, I am no expert, but I did see that work in action. Walking away may not always be the best response, but for a toddler getting to a place where we can change our behavior is huge. Sometimes we fall into success. How else can I model good responses for my children?

Will It Ever End!

Why can't our children just hurry and grow up? Why can't they learn to be respectful, have good manners, and be still when they are supposed to?

Child training seems to always have the connotation of method to it. You know, do these things and your child will respond by doing things the way you want them to. Different methods always sound right and seem to have the best approach, but I am thinking that there is more to the story.

"It's beginning to look alot like Christmas" so out come the dusty boxes of decorations for the house. It is mostly enjoyable because of the many memories wrapped up in the items of decor. One such, item is a Nativity set that my mother made for us years ago. We try to make the centerpiece of our living room as a constant reminder of the real reason for Christmas. It also seems to make it to the "I have to touch it!" list for each of our children in their young ages.

I asked my wife the other day if there ever will be a Christmas in which we are not having to tell a child "No" about touching the Nativity set. As I thought about what I had just said,the next thought came to my mind, "Will we ever have a meal where we are not training a child to throw food on the floor or to stay in their seat?"

WE THINK WE'RE SO SMART

I have had lots of stupid thoughts about raising children over the years. My first brilliant philosophy was that you should learn all there is to know about children while raising the first one, then you always know what to do for the rest of them. Obviously I figured out the fallacy of that not long after our second child was born. Another bad notion was that every child should be trained in a moment of teaching. I teach them the right way, and then they do it. It seemed like a fair idea.

I think it James Dobson I read years ago who said to relax, child training is a long process. I remember that off and on. I just thought of it again the other day. So here is my advice list about child training:

*Break down the big ideas into smaller ones, and take a step at a time

*Childishness is different than rebellion; let them be kids, in fact be a kid with them occasionally.

*Remember it's a process, made up of many moments

*One writer suggests to have some practice time of obedience training, not just
when correction is needed.

*Be the example of how one should behave- nothing teaches better than seeing
how it is to be done

*Lastly, remember children are a blessing not a curse. Treat them accordingly.

Bryan