We could all probably answer that 100 different ways. If the question was asked, "What do you NOT want in your marriage," I'll bet conflict will be high on the list.
I have known very few people that actually enjoyed conflict. I, for one, hate it. I have read that a high percentage of reasons for divorce is incompatibility. Actually I just looked a little further and irreconcilable differences was an often sited reason which is close to the same. Conflict drains us and discourages us.If you are looking for a marriage without conflict, dream on! If you ever have more than one person in a room, there will be conflict. In fact many can find conflict, even if they're alone.
Here's the deal. Get used to the idea of conflict being around; it's not a reason to leave home. Now, I am not naive. I know there is some conflict that requires separation. I am talking about everyday, normal conflict that arises in marriage. The key is in how you deal with it.
In my psychology class, years ago, I remember the book saying that we all have a" flight or fight" instinct. Has anyone ever read about the "deal with it" solution?
Remember this person you married was once the only thing in life that mattered. They are still worth fighting for.
*Handle conflicts by humbly asking clarifying questions.
"Did you mean .... when you said...?"
"Are you really saying...?"
*Handle conflict by assuring your spouse that you love them, and while this disagreement is difficult, it does not change your love or commitment.
*Handle conflict by bringing a trusted person into the conversation to help you sort it through.
*Handle the conflict. Don't let it ruin your love or marriage.
Imagine a marriage where when conflicts arise, someone brings it up and you get through it without two days of the cold shoulder and sleeping on the couch. Wouldn't it be great to be able to be secure because even though there's a bit of trouble it's not the end?
Conflict is a bump in the road of marriage, not the end of the road.
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