Monday, 20 February 2017

Valetine’s Day- Love of Legendary Proportions

Will you be my Valentine?
Valentine’s Day is the notorious holiday of love, or so we’re told.

It does not take too much searching to find out that it’s history is sketchy at best.  It seems that although there were certain saints named Valentine, the stories of performing secret weddings for Roman soldiers and one letter written to a girl that was healed are perhaps additions to the truth.  As in so many other cases somebody made it up to help encourage others- and that is not so bad as long as we understand it as a parable and not stake our faith on it.

What can we gain from it?  It really is good that we stop and think of how we help our spouse to know that we love them.  I know, you are actually really good at this.  You never forget to let your spouse know how much you love them on a regular basis.

I heard of one wife who told her husband, “You never tell me you love me.”  His response was, ” I told you on our wedding day.  If it changes I’ll let you know.”  . . . Legendary

How do you or will you communicate love to your spouse this Valentine’s day?  Gifts are right for the occasion, but what?  If you spend some time listening to your spouse, they will tell you what means most to them.  Take mental note of authors they like, flowers they like, colors, candy, foods…  You get it.  Then go to amazon or somewhere and find a way to say, “I love you.”

Speaking of finding a way to say, “I love you,” I stumbled upon a show the other day that if I remember was called “My Redneck Wedding” (I am not recommending it as a great show or even a good one).  I was intrigued at the time by the way they communicated in their own cultural vernacular however.
I have heard people say things like…
“I love you like the day is long”
“I love you as much as the seas embracing the world.”

How would you tell your spouse how much you love them? Make it real so they won’t have to make it up!
Just out of interest put it in the comments section below.  You can do it anonymously so you won’t be embarrassed.

Three Necessary Skills For Marriage Success

Marriage can get nasty because people lose their ability to communicate or maybe they never really did it well in the first place.  Good communication is essential to a fulfilling marriage where there is good understanding, meaningful affection and growth toward oneness.  So here are three skills to improve upon in order to have deeper, fulfilling relationship with your spouse.

Pay attention to your spouse’s actions and conversation.  When your spouse is trying to tell you something, listen to them.  It’s easy to be distracted by your own thoughts.  Much of the time people are already formulating a response before they’ve heard the other person’s completed thought.  Be ready to restate your spouse’s thoughts back to them to make sure that you understand exactly what they are trying to tell you, and then put your thoughts together on how to respond.

Say what you mean.  Think about what you’re going to say and how you’re going to say it.  After you really understand what your spouse is saying, carefully put your words together in response.  Many times our mouths just open and stuff flies out that is more emotion that thought process.  Those kinds of words are more destructive than helpful.  They might be what you feel, but really aren’t what you truly think.

Actions speak very loudly.  Let your words and actions match.  Words are easy to speak, but their meaning is proved by actions.  Marriage is a crucial relationship.  In relating to your spouse, be true to your word.  If you are speaking love, then back it up with care and concern.  Many times actions without words can communicate volumes.  If my wife takes my hand or puts her arm under mine, I think in my mind, “I’m special to her.”  To me that’s worth a thousand words.

If you don’t have a handle on these three skills your marriage experience will go up and down like a yo-yo.  Getting a handle on these skills will bring your marriage to a place where there is understanding, affection and unity.  It does not mean that problems or misunderstandings will never happen.  These skills are the tools that you need to overcome difficulties as they arise and to avoid some of them before they happen.

Reconnecting With Your Spouse

Each person feels loved in different ways.  Some really feel loved when words of love are spoken.  Others feel loved when physical affection is present.  Still some feel loved when their spouse does some thoughtful action like a gift or making a special date.
At different times even in our Christian marriage we sense a distance between us our spouse.  It happens over a period of time.  It starts with a quietness now and then, and escalates to long term disconnection.  Unfortunately, it becomes easier just to go about doing our own thing and let our relationship stay as it is.  We all know that a plan like that never leads us closer.  It only leads us farther apart.  So what are we to do?  How can we reconnect in an meaningful way?

Although love is sometimes called the “Universal Language,” it can be interpreted in many different ways.  Your path to reconnection in your marriage is through love that can be communicated in a way that your spouse understands.

The key lies in asking God to help you learn what it takes for your spouse to understand your love for them.  If touch tells them they are loved, touch them.  If they are really responsive to you after you have left them a note, write more.

We tend to show love the way we understand love, but it does not mean the same thing to someone else.  We need to communicate to our spouse about what certain things that they do which help us feel loved, and then turn that off so that it doesn’t hinder how we are to love them.

This often can be a point of contention in marriage, and people do not even realize it.  Nobody guesses at what the problem is, they just don’t feel loved.  If you get this right, you will be on the road to reconnecting.  It might take a little while, but it will happen.

I believe it was Dr. Gary Chapman who coined the phrase “Love Language” and taught us about how we receive love.  Reconnect with your spouse today by communicating your love for them in a language they can understand.