How Much Do They Need To Know?

Over the years different struggles, trials and tragedies come. As adults, we face these issues with experience under our belt, but what about our children?

Dawn and I have chosen to be as honest as we can with our kids when events unfold. Two years ago, I was diagnosed with cancer. Last January my father died. Currently Dawn's dad is in his last days. These are all serious issues that caused us to question, "How much do they need to know?"

We have always tended to take the- let's give them the facts road. We could try to cover over or pretend nothings wrong, but they see it in us; they feel our anxiety and pain. Here are some simple guidelines that we follow:

- Just give the necessary facts

- Answer any upfront questions simply

- Ask later if they have any questions
-to a "feeling" child I ask, "How do you feel about...(the event)?"
-to a "thinking" child I ask, "What are you thinking about...(the event)?"
-this may sound simplistic, but even the wording helps open their hearts

- Try to be aware of their behavioral reactions, and use them as opportunity to approach the subject again

We as parents are guides to the experiences of life. I believe that we help them find appropriate responses by talking with them and letting them in on our responses. When my diagnosis was pending they saw us talking alot and crying together. When we finally told them of the possibilities, some of them were relieved to find out that our marriage was not in jeopardy. That's what they were interpreting our problem to be.

If we face life honestly and help our kids to do the same, everyone is stronger for the experience.
I invite you to put some comments in on how you help your children through the difficulties of life.