In the last post about the physical part of our relationships, we saw that how we are doing physically will effect how we relate to others. Now we want to look at how touching others effects our relationships.
First of, we all know that there is a right and wrong kind of touch. The wrong kind is always selfishly motivated, and will in time bring destruction to our relationship. It will also cause destructive habits in the other person. We often think of these as being abusive contacts with others, whether it be sexual or violence to another. That subject is a whole different ball game. For now let's think of how touch affects us positively.
What does it say when we are lonely, and someone puts their hand on our shoulder? It says, "I am here for you." How about when the game is won and the high fives slap in the air? It says, "We did it together!" How about when you are sick or hurt and someone rubs your arm? That says, "You will be alright." They say that a picture is worth a thousand words. I wonder how many words are spoken through touch?
WE CONNECT PHYSICALLY
Touch is connection. A connection beyond words. A hand shake, a hug, a kiss, a slap on the back all connect with the one receiving it. Human babies have been observed to have lots more difficulty thriving if they have not been touched. During my six months of chemotherapy, I was instructed by the doctor to not be touching people or shopping carts or door knobs if at all possible b ecause of immune system deficiencies. Well, I am a pastor, accustomed to shaking hands at the door every Sunday. Tlak about lack of contact for a real contact guy. I was miserable, and felt out of thouch for most of that time. Thankfully I am back at it, and enjoying the benefits.
YOU TRY IT
Here's the first experiment for your relationships. In wanting to relate effectively with my family, I have begun to touch them more. When my kids walk by now, I poke their ribs or give them a hug. When I visit people or talk to them at church, I touch their arm or shake their hand and hold it just a second beyond the norm. With other children, I have been kneeling at their eye level to shake their hands or rub their hair. What are the results? Smiles and more smiles. I am ashamed to say, especially from my own children, the reaction has been like I might have been blowing it before by not connecting with them by enough touch. Touching people has created a warmth for relationship; it has opened the doors for greater connection.
Let's add another element to the physical here. Try even DOING physical activity together with somesone. Take a walk, lift weights, play soccer or football, wrestle, go bowling, do something physical with your family. In doing this your family will think you are the coolest thing next to Nintendo!
Next time we will discover mental essentials of relationships.
