The Focused Family

Keeping Up Morale In Your Family

2009-11-23T17:20:00.002-04:00

It seems that many families that I know are in some kind of adjustment. Financial conditions, moving, graduates leaving home for college, new babies and changes in job situations force us to adjust. Change is usually painful in one way or another. How do we as parents cope? How do we help our children keep encouraged along the way, too?

*Keep perspective- Life is not only where you are today, but it is going somewhere. I can be patient through difficult times if I know we are working towards the better. Chemotherapy taught me that.

*Keep plugging at it- Discouragement can easily cause us to change quit, and in some things there needs to be a weighing out of the results. How often though do we quit when success was just around the corner?

*Keep remembering- God knows and cares about everything we are involved in. We can give to Him the burden of our circumstances, and find peace in the realization that we belong to Him and He will see us through. Trust in Him. He will direct your path. Even if you cannot see it God is working.

*Keep showing it- Our kids are not only suffering at their level, but their watching you for lessons on how to deal with it. Show them that our joy is not determined by our circumstances. There are gifts from God that are great blessings. Be joyful in trials. Be real. Talk of faith in God and back it up in your conversations and in your outlook.

*Keep celebrating- Past victories make great songs for the present trial. Look at the psalms. many of them are reminders of God's faithfulness through the past. They are encouragement for the present.

So as a parent lead the way in pointing out the good, having fun and creating good memories out of the hard situation. Remember, the current difficulty will be a opportunity to thank God in the future.

Keep looking up!

A Family's Direction

2009-10-21T08:00:00.004-03:00

As parents we make decisions that affect everyone in the family. We set the tone for what is important and what is valued. There is a hidden element to this whole parenting adventure that I only recently discovered.

Direction falls under this focused family precept as well. Direction is a little under the radar in reality. It may not always be so easily defined, but it is an integral part of the pace of family. It actually begins to show up as patterns developing in a family.

If you and your siblings and parents meet for a meal once a week, then your parents lead in a direction that included this as an important value. Even after you as children left the house, the direction continued.

Family businesses that pass from parents to children fall into the same category. Sports involvement can be the same.

In our family, faith as Christians, has always been valued. It has moved us in a direction of ministry to others in the church setting for the last twelve years. Earlier this last summer I resigned from our church in Canada. I had planned on taking a year off to do some writing. What I did not anticipate was that even though ministry is sometimes stressful for our family, it is also part of the direction. Not ministering in the church created an imbalance in our direction. This was a major interrupt in our children especially.

When the direction was violated the anxiety in our family rose and a sense of wandering came out. Even though we were maintaining the process of faith in our home, the family direction was suffering. As I began to seek a new assignment in another church, the process in itself made it even worse.

Now, we are headed to Spring Hill, Tennessee as I have agreed to be the pastor of a church there. When that decision was made there was a great lifting of our spirits as the direction had returned. We are once again moving together in life. We are moving in a direction that has become a definition of who we are together.

What do you value and where is it taking your family?

Conflict In Marriage Does Not Equal Incompatibility

2009-09-06T03:03:00.008-03:00

What do you want in your marriage?

We could all probably answer that 100 different ways. If the question was asked, "What do you NOT want in your marriage," I'll bet conflict will be high on the list.

I have known very few people that actually enjoyed conflict. I, for one, hate it. I have read that a high percentage of reasons for divorce is incompatibility. Actually I just looked a little further and irreconcilable differences was an often sited reason which is close to the same. Conflict drains us and discourages us.

If you are looking for a marriage without conflict, dream on! If you ever have more than one person in a room, there will be conflict. In fact many can find conflict, even if they're alone.

Here's the deal. Get used to the idea of conflict being around; it's not a reason to leave home. Now, I am not naive. I know there is some conflict that requires separation. I am talking about everyday, normal conflict that arises in marriage. The key is in how you deal with it.

In my psychology class, years ago, I remember the book saying that we all have a" flight or fight" instinct. Has anyone ever read about the "deal with it" solution?

Remember this person you married was once the only thing in life that mattered. They are still worth fighting for.

*Handle conflicts by humbly asking clarifying questions.
"Did you mean .... when you said...?"

"Are you really saying...?"

*Handle conflict by assuring your spouse that you love them, and while this disagreement is difficult, it does not change your love or commitment.

*Handle conflict by bringing a trusted person into the conversation to help you sort it through.

*Handle the conflict. Don't let it ruin your love or marriage.

Imagine a marriage where when conflicts arise, someone brings it up and you get through it without two days of the cold shoulder and sleeping on the couch. Wouldn't it be great to be able to be secure because even though there's a bit of trouble it's not the end?

Conflict is a bump in the road of marriage, not the end of the road.

Our Children Sometimes Surprise Us

2009-08-31T12:15:00.005-03:00

Moving is one of the top ten stressors on a family as I read it. In fact, so is being without a job. So, at the moment we live in two of the top ten stressors in life. That's OK, we chose this path, and we are doing our best to learn everything that we can out of it.

In fact over the last three months not only have we been able to travel and be ministered to by many people, but in those same travels we have been able to encourage and minister to others that we have not seen in many years.

Along the way, we continue to be aware of the effects of this on our children. Some of their reactions are typical to their age and personality, but sometimes they surprise us and really show a different sort of maturity.

Our seven year old daughter has drawn several pictures of Prince Edward Island, where we used to live. One was of the Confederation Bridge and another was of a sunset on the beach. She stop with just a picture though.

She also wrote notes on the back of them to tell us something important. Both of them said something to the effect of, I miss my home on Prince Edward Island, but I know that you love us and are taking care of us."

It's easy for us , even as adults, to focus on our own pain and difficulty. How many diets have you ended early or books have you started only to stop early because it was too hard. now I know that she has no choice in the matter, but she still is affirming faith in us even in hard times.

Could we be so bold as to accept our painful circumstances and trust God for His love and care?

Faith and Family Life

2009-07-24T12:14:00.003-03:00

Is faith "part" of family life or is family life part of faith?

Being a person who believes in what the Bible says, I then believe that my relationship to Jesus Christ is first priority. What and how I believe affects every other part of my life.

This all means that I am a Christian first. That makes me a Christian husband, a Christian father, a Christian son and brother, a Christian pastor (or whatever my current job is) and a Christian citizen.

Faith in what God says about life, family, work, friendships and any other part of life defines my focus in those roles. It's really pretty good. I have an instruction book for life that still allows me freedom to express how I was made as well.

I can relax in knowing that I do not have to define every part of life. It's a bonus for me to live within the framework that God has put together. In fact, there are great promises for those who do live within His framework.

Faith is not merely a way of thinking; it's a way of living. It applies to every area of life.

I invite you to get my free audio called, What It Means To Be Christian by clicking the title.
It's for those wondering about the Christian faith as well as those who already are Christian.

Handling the Stressful Days in Your Family

2009-05-14T15:12:00.005-03:00

So, we are about to do one of the most stressful things that a family can do- move.

Since I know that is coming what should I do to prevent exploding when I get frustrated?

Here is my plan:

* Travel to some remote cabin, and have my wife call me when it's over
(just kidding), but it does sound good!

Really now:

* Try to prevent adding to the stress by listing details that need accomplished.

* Build in some fun, unwinding time

* Keep each relationship close and meaningful

* Keep everything in perspective

* Listen to my wife's needs along the way and meet them best that I can

We do need to pay special attention to our relationships in times where we know stress will be a factor. If we don't stuff just builds up and we might say things that we don't mean and then you have a mess in your relationships as well as trying to move.

Leave a comment with other ways that you can think of to help me make the best in a stressful situation worse.

The Marriage Fade

2009-04-28T08:50:00.003-03:00

How does the fire of our marriage fade to a small flame, then to a flicker, then to a smolder, then to nothing?

You might say my marriage has not gone to nothing. That's great, but it lies somewhere on that line. Whether its on fire or out to nothing, the possibility is for it to move down or up the line in either way. That's the good news. It can go to the positive side again.

Few things happen by accident. Our marriages will move closer or farther apart based on our actions. Your actions to improve your marriage will have an effect. You may not see it today or tomorrow, but over time, there will be changes for the better.

Starting right now, today, is your chance to make improvements in your marriage. Wherever you are on the marriage line, if you take action it will begin to change. Maybe you would like to let me help you with that change.

I put together a nine part email course called Marriage Realignment to help people start making the changes toward a closer relationship in their marriage. Go to http://www.marriage.thefamilyandhome.com to get started any time of the day. The emails will come automatically for nine days.

Be sure to come back and post your thoughts in the comments here.

What's Your perspective On Your Marriage?

2009-04-14T22:50:00.004-03:00

It is amazing how two people so closely linked, even in marriage, can think totally different. One may like sports, the other opera. One may like pizza, the other likes salad. You get the idea. You are probably listing the differences between you and your spouse your mind right now.

Even in our relationship, one spouse sees their marriage falling apart while the other relaxes in the idea that all is right in their marriage. Perspective is what makes us different.

Your perspective exposes your expectations. How you feel in your marriage leads you to whether your expectations are being met. We have different perspectives because we have different expectations and needs.

If you are frustrated in your marriage right now, list the reasons for your frustrations. You will probably list ways that your spouse is letting you down. Maybe they do not even know what needs you have. Maybe your expectations have not been verbalized.

It's time for some heart to heart communication. Talk with your spouse. Gently communicate your needs (no nagging or complaining). Let them respond. Ask what needs they have that you may not be aware of. Then each of you can work towards meeting each other's needs which affects how you feel, which affects your perspective.

Get my free audio on Ingredients for a healthy family by entering your name and email to the right.

Troubles Again?!

2009-04-13T12:50:00.003-03:00

Man, it's snowing again. It's April! I'm thinking this should be over by now. It does remind me about the regularity of troubles in life though.

Troubles come and go. In marriage, parenting, our jobs and friendships troubles have a cycle. There not always on the same cycle, and not always on the same frequency.

What do we do about it?

Prevention is the best medicine as it has been said. If we can work on good character in ourselves, practice wise financial habits, and use integrity and respect in our relationships many experiences could be avoided. Sometimes troubles cannot be avoided.

It goes along way to face issues together in marriage or even as a family. We need each other. God gave us each other to be a help to each other. Hiding trouble from our spouse just brings up questions as to our frustrations and irritations.

Do yourself a favor and seek your spouse's support in your troubles.

Wii Have Finally Done It!

2009-03-30T16:11:00.006-03:00

Unbelievable. Inconceivable. Could it be? Yes, the Ayers family has broken the "family entertainment" barrier. What happened?

Wii have entered the digital world of game systems that allows you to become a pro bowler, golfer, baseball player, tennis star or whatever else a $20-$100 game will buy.

What Wii have also discovered is that these game systems make great teaching tools for children (well, for me too). Wii have discussed patience, taking turns, sharing, taking care of expensive things and wasting time in life.

Wii have had some great fun together and wii are learning some valuable lessons.

If you can guess from the hidden clues in this post which game system wii bought, I will send you a free mp3 audio that talks about three really important ingredients to your family life.

Email your answer to me, and I will get that audio to you.

"Daddy, why do you kiss mommy in front of us kids?"

2009-03-19T09:40:00.003-03:00

Ok, so I like to kiss my wife. That's normal, isn't it? Well, it is for me. When should I be aloud to kiss her- when no one is around, especially the kids?

You have probably heard older people talk of the older days when men and women did not express outward displays of affection in public. It just wasn't right. While I'll agree that some things that I have seen people do in public was not appropriate, I believe that there is a link to good parenting that we capitalize on here.

Kids pick up on almost everything, don't they? Maybe not the things that we try hard to teach them, but in everyday interactions they seem to find meaning in what they see. Only a few months ago, the same daughter that asked why we kiss in front of the kids, asked if we were getting a divorce. That was never said in the conversation between me and my wife, but she sensed the tension in our conversation.

Anyway, why do I kiss my wife in front of my children?

I want them to know that I love her. I tell her that I love her in front of them too. I tell them that I love them too. I kiss them too. It's kind of like helping them to associate actions that go with love. If there is disrespect, I quickly point out that that is not what we do if we love someone. If I act disrespectful toward them, the I show them the way of sorrow for wrongs done and seeking forgiveness.

I also want both the boys and they girls to see healthy ways to act for the days in which they will find a spouse. Relationships are not all business. They are playful, fun, work and planning. They need to see and understand all these things, so they have a map to follow in their future.

A few times, a couple of our children have said, "You love mommy don't you?" That is something they observed. That is something they learned. That is why I kiss my wife in front of the children. Well..........sometimes it's I just can't wait for later when we are alone!

A Family Response To Crisis

2009-03-09T22:54:00.003-03:00

The economic crisis deepens. How are you affected? A better question is how are you responding?

In the last few months there have been stories of extremes in the U.S.

One family found shot to death before which the father had faxed a TV station saying, "...my wife felt it better to end our lives; and why leave our children in someone else's hands ... we have no job and 5 children under 8 years with no place to go. So here we are." -CNN's Stan Wilson, Ashley Broughton and Paul Vercammen contributed to this report; Wed January 28, 2009

How sad can it get? How hopeless?

Does it have to be like that? On the other hand, I saw a report of a family with five children, and a mom who lost her job. Their response was to take in their friends and neighbors who were struggling financially. They had received similar help when they were in need different times, and now they want to give back.

I am not going to pretend to have the answers to every situation. I am broken over the thought that parents would feel so desperate as to take their own lives as well as the lives of their children. Let's learn to find purpose and hope in times that get desperate. Let's not give up. Every struggle is an opportunity to prove the faithfulness of God. Every action and reaction is a lesson for our children to experience with us.

Thoughtfully,
Bryan

Thoughts on Marriage from Fireproof- the Movie

2009-02-16T15:55:00.011-04:00

Selfish............ not shell fish............Selfish

Most problems in marriage begin with selfishness.

"You don't understand me." "I am not happy" "I need some me time." "I am going in a different direction."

Now, I understand that people go in different directions. I realize that it's possible not to be happy, but once we were going the same direction and once we were happy. What changed? Life changes, and it changes all the time.

In the movie, Fireproof, they made it very clear that stuff happens in life that brings us to a place where we cannot see any hope in the future for our marriage. Our differences can lead us to differing conclusions. Our desires for the way things need to be are contrary. Our thinking can easily turn to, "What I think is more valuable than what you think." Before you know it, the end of our marriage is in sight. The key to remedy this is as they show in Fireproof is- overcoming selfishness.

We are afraid of being taken advantage of. We're afraid of not getting taken care of. The old adage for marriage was 50/50. I'll give half. You give half. That will make the whole. The truth is that we each need to give 100% to our spouse if it's going to work.

Here are some thoughts:

-Refrain from blaming the problems on your spouse. Marriage problems are "our" problems.

-Think and act everyday on the question, "How can I do something to bless my spouse today?"

-Don't be afraid to dialog about concerns that you have in your relationship, but be open to understanding and working with your spouse.

-Let small issues stay small issues by addressing them before they become huge.

-Make sure that you are everything that you need to be before you start to make your spouse accountable to what they need to be.

Yes, life changes. You are changing physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. If we can live this life together with our spouse, we will ride out the changes in life and be a team that overcomes. The first thing that must be faced. . . . . . . . . . . . selfishness.

Christmas Scandal

2008-12-24T11:26:00.003-04:00

Joe and Mary are going to be married soon, but Mary has some awful news- she is already pregnant! "What?!" Joe can hardly believe his ears. He chose Mary because of her virtue and honesty. Not only does his hurt run the deepest ever, but there are some legal problems.

If he decides to not marry her, then people will ask why and find out about her unfaithfulness. She can try the same story on others that she tried on Joe. Who would really believe that God put a child inside of her, and that no man was needed in the process. That has never happened before.

As Joe contemplates his options he has a dream in which an angel tells him to relax, what she said was true, and God wanted him to help Mary by marrying her anyway. Joe concedes and the rest is history.

I do not know why God would bring His only Son into the world through such a scandal. Many over the years have thought up ways in which it could have happened better. But we do not make up the rules, He does.

Sometimes God asks us to give up ourselves in the process of making His plans happen. It might cost us time, money, comfort, reputation, possessions, and anything else to honor Him in this life. What we do in obedience to God might look completely foolish to others, but who is most important here?

Mary submitted to God's plan. Joseph submitted to God's plan. The shepherds did what the angels told them to do. The wise men followed the star as the sign to go by.

Our families can go hundreds of directions. The world will distract the youngest to the oldest away from God's plan and ways. We must keep God in front of us in as many ways as possible so as not to loose vision and strength. It has to be done on purpose.

Can we commit ourselves and our families to God's way even if it might cost us something?

Art Saves Christmas

2008-12-16T12:15:00.003-04:00

Art and his wife, Connie, get real tense around Christmas. He never gets her what she really wants, he can never figure out what she would like. Beyond that, they often forget to tell each other when the work parties and school plays are scheduled. The holidays are a big headache for them.

This year Art changes his strategy.

"I noticed that you take that purse everyday" he interjects. He is actually observing his wife's activities for a change. He is also fishing for more information.

She answers, "Ya, I love this old thing. It has always been my favorite, but it is really getting beat up."

Art takes note of the purse color and features. Now he is on to something.

After work one day, he comes home with some scratch paper that has dates for the company party and his family's Christmas dinner date and time. "Connie," he calls "here is a couple of dates that I would really like to make sure we get to this year. Lets sit down tonight and put down the ones that you know about so we don't miss anything."

"Wow! Could he actually be thinking ahead?!" Connie notices the strange, new Art. "Yes, I'll be home after the parent/teacher meeting around 8."

Let's zip to the end of this story before it gets to long...

Art stands for articulate. It means to communicate. We operate so much on assumption that when things don't work like we thought we end in frustration. What are the essentials to communicating well?

-Say what you mean

-Listen to the other person repeating back to them what they said with a "Did you
mean..." at the beginning

-Ask questions in a "I want to know more about you" kind of way because you
really do.

-Seek first to understand, then to be understood (From Seven Habits of Highly
Effective People)

It is so easy to get out of the habit of communicating well. Some people think that if the other person really loved me, they would just know. Well, that is awfully unrealistic. On the other hand, if we really do care about someone, we will pay attention to their lives enough to know them better. We can always ask questions to clarify.

Save your family this Holiday Season....communicate!

Surviving , NO, THRIVING through the Season

2008-12-08T12:54:00.004-04:00

I am tempted to call it Surviving the Season, but really who wants to merely survive? It can get to that point I know too well. How do we thrive through the season then?

-A Calendar to mark down all the parties and programs, so you do not miss anything

-A conversation with your spouse to make sure that you are on the same page about priorities

-A plan to make time for the things that you really want to do

-An ability to say NO to things that you just cannot make time to do

-A focus on what the season is really about

What is the season really about?

Check back soon for the answer if you really want to thrive through the season!

Do You Have Tantrums?

2008-11-19T14:39:00.003-04:00

We tend to think that only kids have tantrums. Kids kick and scream or the really brave ones hold their breath. Now, adults don not do such things do they?

Years ago I was under our Dodge van, lovingly named "the Silver-Bullet." The Silver-Bullet had a transmission problem, and I had finally asked a mechanic friend of mine to help me with it. We got right to work dismantling everything to remove the transmission, and bang! My wrench slipped and I cut my hand on some sharp thing. No, I didn't swear, but I did grunt loudly and repeatedly hit the tire with my wrench.

I could feel my friend looking at me, then he asked if I felt better after all that. Of course I did. I let off a little steam, and that felt great. He then asked if I was going to get back to work or was I going to just keep making a racket.

I'll bet you have had, shall we say, ADULT TANTRUMS. We may not kick and scream like a two-year old, but we do as, Webster calls it, "have a bit of bad temper" occasionally.

Look, we all get frustrated, feel tired, wear down under stress, and/or get overwhelmed by life's circumstances. These things can send us straight into a tantrum, but we want to be good examples, right?

There have been times that I am able to sense my blood boiling. That's the time to evaluate. Count to three, or ten, or twenty-five, or whatever. Why am I feeling this? Is there good solution to the problem. Am I restraining from falsely blaming someone for the problem. The Bible says that we fight because we don't get our way. Is our way always necessary?
Self -control is what we adults try to force on our kids. Are we using it, too?

Click down on the comments to share good ways that you have learned to live and teach self-control.

Toddlers and Tantrums

2008-11-05T15:32:00.004-04:00

A regular day of parenting can be filled with joy, peace, satisfaction, and fulfillment; or screaming, tantrums, yelling, and fight for control, or all the above. Wow, your poor kids have to put up with a lot! No, we know it’s always the children who get out of control, right?

Boy #1 comes up from the basement with the coolest wooden toy gun in our house. Not long after boy #2 strolls from the bedroom after a really good nap. Boy #2 sees toy gun and must think, “I deserve that toy gun.” The fight is on…

I have learned a new trick. You’d think I had all the tricks after seven children. I have really been trying to have more patience, and not much else can try my patience like a wide open mouthed tantrum. So our youngest, even when handled with the best of patience, gets bent out of shape over not getting his way. It seems to be an everyday, every hour event.

Since his two-year old mind cannot listen to reason, especially in a tantrum, we began to take him to his room with gentle instruction not to come out until he has stopped crying. It actually worked. Within minutes he comes strolling out of his room. His eyes are still red and puffy and his little nose running some, but he is not crying. He went in the room and changed his attitude. How can it get any better? It does!

A few days later something happens to try his patience, and he erupts, only this time he blows us all away. Remarkably, this little guy goes to his room on his own. Did you read that right. He went to his room on his own because he was in a tantrum. He returned in a few minutes after he stopped crying and stared where he had left off in the activity. My oldest son shouts, “I love this kid!”

I have read in many books about helping our kids learn to control themselves and respond to situations by showing them the correct responses. Now, I am no expert, but I did see that work in action. Walking away may not always be the best response, but for a toddler getting to a place where we can change our behavior is huge. Sometimes we fall into success. How else can I model good responses for my children?

Family Finances in a Failing Economy

2008-09-27T23:43:00.003-03:00

How in the world do we survive in times of economic distress?

If you didn't answer that question before the trouble started, you will be doing a lot of back tracking.

Is the spiraling economy a problem or a symptom? It's easy, when things are going well, to spend, spend, spend. Go ahead, it'll be covered. You've got credit!!!!! I don't remember the analyzers back around 2003 saying "don't overdo your equity with a big loan for all its worth." Now it's bail-out time. Managing money can be tricky.

When Dawn and I first got married I had this sense that we had to have everything that our parents have. It took awhile, but the realization hit me that they have been working to get what they have for the last 25 years. Why do I think that I should have it all right now?

Slow...........methodical.........earn it............save it............pay off the credit............save some more. That has been our plan. There are lots of things we could have, but I keep thinking of the things that we desire for the future, so we save, save, save.

One car is good for now, a little limiting at times, but it must work. Lunches can be made from home. Clothes saved for the next child down. Don't overspend what you earn! The equivalent of a car payment saved is worth alot more than a payment made to someone else.

We have not always been able to save like we would like, but over the long haul things get covered. John Wesley said, "Make all you can. Give all you can. Save all you can." I am exploring ways to make all I can. We have worked to honor God in the give all you can. A regular savings plan has helped us through many emergencies. I wish the bank could help more with a better a.p.r.!

Mind your spending lifestyle. Patience is a virtue when it comes to non-necessities. Honoring God is an essential. Honesty in dealings will reward you. Pray that the government does not ruin it all.

Driven Parenting

2008-09-16T08:31:00.008-03:00

I put my life (and our one vehicle) in the life of another a few weeks ago. Normally control of the vehicle is mine. Normally, responsibility is mine. These are new days.

Did they revoke my license? Am I no longer capable to drive? No I am fine, thanks for asking. My children are just growing up, and it's time for them to learn that responsibility.

So, my oldest son has gone through a formal driver training class at a cost of several hundred dollars. Let's see did I install that donate to this blog button here yet. Actually he paid for half of it. Real ambition is willing to sacrifice, that lesson was apparently learned. Now it's time to hit the road.

Lots of the time I am too intense with his mistakes and I overdo it verbally to make points stick with him, but with the driving I wanted him to know that I am thoroughly confident in his abilities. He says I am doing pretty good in the patient department. I think I am too.

I am learning from this that he is more responsible and able than I thought. There is great insight in the actual exercise of patience. You can pray for God to give you patience, hoping that He will instantaneously grant it to you. I'll bet that you find that what He'll do is give you a chance to exercise it instead. The lesson seems to stick better.

One last thought. Here on Prince Edward Island, most of the side roads do not have a shoulder, so I find my self reminding my son to "stay on the pavement." Parenting is like guiding a beginning driver down the road. It's easy to swerve a little here and there. The conditions of life will send us one way or another challenging the boundaries of our lane. If life has a lane (or lanes), it must be good to stay in those lanes to get you to your destination safely. That sounds like we need a little focus in our process, doesn't it?

Where will your family, your kids, you be in ten years? You'll only get there safely if you stay on the pavement.

Everyday Parenting

2008-09-11T09:18:00.003-03:00

Usually when we think of child training we think of attitudes and character and behavior. We want to train them for their future encounters with dangerous situations or people. Forethought is a motivator- What can I teach them before it happens, so they respond in the best way? That's all great philosophy, but I find that most training happens because something went wrong!

Face it; many times we teach our children something because, "I don't want to see that again!" They hurt someone or themselves or break something of ours, then we react with great intensity to correct. Nothing wrong with correction.

Some of the best training moments come after embarrassment- our embarrassment. You need to check out the parenting tip at Joni Ruhs - Observations and Testimony about taking our kids into public bathrooms after they can talk. It's a short post, but if you are a parent it will send you down memory lane. It is hilariously true.

Take these parenting thoughts to heart-

As we try our best to teach our children to be mannerly and behave properly, the fact is we can't see everything coming. If we are doing our best, be confident in that.

Don't take the embarrassing moments too seriously. It might be God's way at helping us laugh once in a while, and they just become great stories to tell our children's future spouses anyway.

In the Eyes of a Child

2008-08-18T13:12:00.005-03:00

We all see the same things around us- trees, sky, cars, people. I used to think that everyone saw everything the same way. I am older now, and things are more blurry than ever. The eye doctor tells me that I am on that normal slide of getting older- first glasses for reading, then all the time, then stronger ones. What a great encouragement for the rest of life?!

Stuff of life can change our vision too. Hardship, loss, conflict can all add smudges to our lenses making it harder and harder to appreciate what we see.

I watch my kids as they explore their world and sometimes I wish I had their vision again, not their eye vision; but their outlook vision.

The world of a child is like a giant playground- sticks become swords, rain becomes jumping puddles, trees become a fortress. Life is an exciting journey for them with endless opportunities. Children believe that nearly anything is possible, and that challenges are made for overcoming.

How do we regain that spirit of vision again? Perhaps this afternoon, we should play their games, follow their thoughts, and let them influence us a little (well, not the throwing rocks at cars part). We might just end up being fun again.

Perhaps that is why Jesus said that we must come to His kingdom as a little child- even He wouldn't want to hang around a grouchy old goat.

Bryan

P.S. I have a fun little video of a crazy kid to show you. Check back next week

Sarah Palin - For the Family

2008-08-29T23:38:00.003-03:00

Who better to champion family values than a mother who knowingly gave birth to a Down Syndrome child, tackled corruption in government, then worked preventatively to shore up ethical practices in her home state of Alaska. But what about the glaring other issues: experience and gender?

Yes, nearly all of us would like to see a "game changer" as she has been called in the places of power. Is her experience as a Governor good enough to face the nation and world?

Is gender really a question in 2008. Hillary Clinton rose to the top, well, second to the top. Is the nation and the government ready for a woman leader? The same people that politicians are hoping to gather to McCain might think that a top leadership position like President or Vice President is not for a woman. Although some of my most conservative friends have weighed in for the positive already.

Be sure to comment here on your thoughts on Sarah Palin for Vice President.

Bryan

NO Fear!

2008-08-25T23:18:00.003-03:00

Can you believe this boy? He obviously has NOT experienced the bite of a popping balloon in the face.

Pain can sure change us. We become cautious (afraid) of experiencing it twice.

Our family relationships could be hindered by fear- fear of previous relationships that were not so good. BUT what are we missing today because we are so cautious? Tell your fear to take a hike, and jump into your relationships as if there is nothing to be lost. Our lives could be somewhat empty because we are only putting somewhat into it.

Grab your family now and go beyond yourself! It will not only be fun; it probably won't even hurt.

Keep Moving

2008-08-14T20:57:00.003-03:00

I have been stuck after these months of loss of our fathers. But as we tell the children when they get stuck- "keep moving." I read not long ago that when you face trials and difficulties, the best thing to do is continue to press on. It takes time anyway to redefine life after loss; just keep moving.

I can see the cycle that I go through affects my family as well. After I have a few days of short temper, they seem to get short tempered. When I experience days of determination and motivation, suddenly they begin to show more motivation too. The lesson? How ever we want our kids to act and react, especially in days of struggle, LEAD THE WAY!

Let's Keep Moving!

Bryan